I Gave Up (Apocalypse Now)

Yes, I gave up midway. I had to watch some funnies to clear my head.

Never since American History X have I been so mentally disturbed by a film.

And here I was thinking that Duvall's Lt Col Kilgore and his "Ride of the Valyrie" sweep upon that village to secure good 6-foot swells to surf was insane.

But as they pushed upriver, each encounter turned more cruel and mad. (From the Playboy bunnies "Doll" scene to them wasting a sampan full of farmers.)

And of course it is fiction. But still.....

There was a time when I would just condemn such film representations aside and smile at the nihilism of life. But now, it just turns my stomach and makes me so sad. You may say that it is just fiction but I know that the reality of the war must have been worse.

If ever you have been in a situation whereby you have witnessed human cruelty or hostility, you would have remembered how your heart pounded. You would have remembered how your breath then turned heavy and inward. Remember that and imagine that every moment of your experience feels like that. To the point that maybe you just give in to the overwhelming otherness of the feeling and stop being you.

I wonder if I have the testicular and more importantly mental fortitude to watch on.