The unconditional nature of Romantic Love makes it seem as though we must forgo ourselves. The answer is yes and no. Total forgoing of ourselves would not be optimal as since by being unloving to ourselves, we in turn pose a burden on those who have to care for us. Thus we must care for ourselves in order to care for others effectively. As Grayling puts it, "We owe to our neighbors as much as we owe to ourselves." But the unconditional clause means that we still prioritize the other above ourselves as both the exalted and destitute as Levinas puts it.
The second question is "What do we stand to gain from Romantic Love?"
Physical Love grants us physical pleasure, egotistical pleasure (on being valued as a sexually attractive specimen) and the continuation of our genetic line. There is no growth of the individual in this sphere.
Spiritual Love then accords us more benefits as individuals and as a unit. Its unconditional nature teaches us to give of ourselves above self-interest. Thus we learn to move beyond our ego and identity and relate to others as equally important human beings.
Secondly, we also learn of the genuine and honesty by engaging and reciprocating in spontaneous and neutral action.
Thirdly, we acquire the skills of spiritual appreciation of another's Inner Beauty and we come to know what moral knowledge and action is and in turn what the Good is.
We are also not afraid to truly be who we are because we are accepted by our partners in their spiritual love for us.
All of these benefits enable us to achieve Spiritual Growth and derive True Gratification. We then move on to consider the losses form failed Romantic Love to better understand its benefits.
When others engage us with Physical Love but no or inadequate Spiritual Love, we feel hurt from being objectified and from not being accepted as a subject.
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