7. LOVE: The Worries associated with Romantic Love

In order to execute this thought-process, I posited myself as a normal male specimen in this current social atmosphere. I also operated from the standpoint of pure reactionary instincts. And this honest thought-process allowed for interesting insight.

I asked myself: What do I worry about when I think of a romantic experience?

Firstly, I worry about the absence of a partner and experience. Dominant recurrent word-ideas were "fairness" and "what is then wrong?"

Now let's analyze its roots. These were a result of social-conditioning about what constituted a "full" and "good" life. Also, when I worry about the "fairness" of pairings, I am inadvertently thinking from the view of a partner as a "Status symbol" as an external measure of my "worth" and "prowess" in the acquisition of a "valuable" female specimen.

Next, I worry about security. Dominant recurrent word-ideas which resulted were "indignation", "shame", "hurt" and "betrayal".

Onto the analysis of its roots and social conditioning reins its subversive head again. "Shame" and "betrayal" result from the devaluation of myself by an act of two-timing by my partner. As a male specimen, I am supposed to be in charge of the situation and not to be taken advantage of.

"Hurt" stems from the broken clause of the dating social contract of exclusivity. This then stems from the need/ want to be loved exclusively.

So it is obvious that the more that I investigate, I find that on the core reactionary level, I am not a free-willing individual after all. This is why after-thought and the ability to see past social constructs is so invaluable in order to determine what one truly wants.

Moving on, I also worry about the incessant need for the "thrill of the hunt". And I realise that this stems from this is an exercise in validation or re-validation of the ego. This then stems from insecurity.

When my eyes wander, I am also suffering from the effects of social and mental conditioning of women as sex-objects.

Perhaps I am also contemplating other possibilities. This has its roots in a dis-satisfaction with my current situation with a "could-be-better" mentality. And I understand that this want for a "better situation" is conditioned as all wants are.

Lastly, I asked myself. From my current understanding of truths, WHY DO I WANT TO LOVE?

And instinctively, these ideas presented themselves to me and I am happy with them as they have shown me that my suspicions that philosophy is making me a happier and self-knowing person has been validated.

I want to love as I want to grow through loving. I want to laugh. I want to cry. I want to feel.

I want to make someone else happy. I want to make her also realise the true meaning and beauty of and behind love.